Deyna's Diary

What's your go-to insult? When you're pissed at someone and they do or say something to piss you off even more, what do you say (or for some, mutter under your breath?)

Lyrics | Zac Brown Band lyrics - Toes lyrics

I don't normally go for country, but I like this song. It reminds me of my creed of living life while I have it to live.

Did you ever feel like a company was just plain fuckin' with ya?

Safe Auto sent me my bill three days before it was due. What the fuck?

Tommy Emmanuel, greatest acoustic guitarist ever, plays his original song "Lewis and Clark"

Free dinner with pumpkin pie at my parent's house...

OR

Winning the sattelite tournament I'm playing in now that I'm in the top 25%...

Decisions, decisions...

I promise to never give anything less than my best.

I promise to push myself to be better.

I will give everything I have.

I will leave nothing behind.

I will not fall without a fight.

I will not leave until I am victorious.

I cannot accept a loss.

I will not admit defeat.

You will not hold me back.

I will rise above.

You cannot stop me.

Going to Vegas in January.

Must See:
Bellagio
Palms
Horseshoe
Rio
Caesar's Palace

No MFF or FC.

Next con is FCN which I am a staff member of.

When you are talking to a seventeen year-old about the original Game Boy and you mean this:

The Original "Brick" released in 1989.


But he thinks you mean this:

The Game Boy Pocket that replaced the "Brick" in 1996.


And you remember when both were brand new and ready for sale for Christmas...

I'm very frustrated.

I've not logged a winning session, cash or tournaments in nearly 3 weeks and everything I do is wrong. I've never felt so confused in my life, like everything I've learned is completely wrong and I'm never going to make it as a pro because I can't even get over a losing streak. I have nobody to talk to about because the people I play with are not my age and don't understand modern tactics or they don't understand intermediate or advanced strategy.

Please, oh mighty poker gods... Give me a sign that it'll be ok...

It's amazing what technology has achieved. With top of the line machinery and electronics, we can now fly to the very edge of the Earth's atmosphere. It is an accomplishment that has the ability to humble anyone.

Where the Heavens meet the Earth... I wish I could see it with my own eyes.

I did something today that I've never done before.

I unfairly accused my roommate of breaking the wireless Rock Band guitar I bought and told him he was playing too rough with it. I don't know why I did. I don't make accusations. I don't worry about material objects that can easily be replaced. I certainly don't get angry with the ones that I love and care for.

I think perhaps everything that's been happening lately with work, poker and my social/love life is finally getting to me. I'm getting overworked over all sorts of little things, things that should be minor annoyances suddenly are major issues and crimes.

I'm stressed out. My muscles are always tense, my mind is easily tired and my patience seems to have been worn to tissue paper thinness. The only times I feel loose or relaxed is when I am high or drunk. What normally came to me naturally is now only achieved artificially.

To anyone I have been rude, cold or just plain mean to, I am so very sorry from the bottom of my heart. As I write this, I am crying. I don't know if it's out of depression, shame or a combination of the two. Frankly, I find it inconsequential. My emotions are normally in check and I have allowed them to overtake my rationality. I have worked so hard to achieve a level of calm and serenity that some people envy, and I corrupted it while playing a stupid fucking game. It is by far one of my biggest failures, and I seek to correct it.

Again, I apologize. Especially to you Jim. I love you dearly and consider you one of my closest friends and I regret ever even thinking of blaming you for something that didn't even matter.

Seeing how I have not been to the west coast in a long time and I miss California, I've decided to actively work towards going to Furthur Confusion. If I deem it impossible, such as can't get a room or can't afford it, I will forego it and attempt FWA. Sorry MFF, I think I'm ready for a change of scenery.

Also, Bay 101 Card Room is 10 blocks away...

(Yeah, I know. Degenerate gambler.)

I'm thinking of skipping MFF to go to a different convention and see different furries. I have never been to FWA and actually haven't visited Atlanta yet, and it's been nearly 5 years since I've been to the west coast. San Jose also has some nice card rooms, but I'm mostly focused on the furry cons.


Poll #1455785 Which convention?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15

Which convention should I try to attend if I don't go to MFF?

You know what else really pisses me off about furries? The overstock of whiners who make it hard for people who have genuine bad days/weeks to vent.

Everytime I go into a channel and I'm like, "Crap what a shitty week." And go on to list the details, people always say something along the lines of "Oh boo hoo" "wah" or "Drama queen"

Fuck you! Some of us actually have real problems sometimes and we're looking for some support! Sure if a little whiny emo-fur comes in complaining how his rich parents bought him a 2007 mercedes S-class instead of a 2009, how he's getting called names at high school or how he wishes he was dead because of some stupid easily fixed problem, kick that little shit in the balls!

I guess what I'm trying to say is listen to what a person's problems are before you discount them. Sometimes it's superficial and sometimes it's genuine. We're a community and we need to help each other.

Holy crap! Has it really been a month? Time flies.

• Moved from one townhouse to another in the same complex. Our neighbors were becoming unbearable and the landlady wanted to keep us so she told us about an opening and we put our names at the top of the list. We managed to move everything across the lot without a hitch except for my sprained ankle, sore back and strained bicep. Otherwise, I'm chillin' in my nicer, quieter townhouse.
  
• Been broke lately. Had to shell out $300 for the security deposit on the new place so bye-bye poker bankroll. Trying to rebuild but it's going slow. Look below for the reason why.
  
• The bar will no longer be open in the morning and early afternoon for lunch, switching to an evening open except on weekends and holidays. This directly affects me because I usually work mornings and early afternoons. Thus, my hours have been cut, from 40 to less than 30. This is a difference of almost $100 on my paycheck. Thankfully they are bending over backwards to accomodate me and get me more hours in some other job at the cinemas but I fear that I might have outgrown them. Might be time to look for new prospects.
  
• I think I might skip MFF in November and go to FWA instead. I've always put MFF ahead of other conventions but lately I feel that I'd like to try some different ones and see if I like them. I'm considering flying tho. Driving to Atlanta doesn't appeal to me, but if it's cheaper, I'll hit the road in my Dodge.
  

That's all for now. More updates, I promise. I don't want to become an introvert again. It was very... lonely.

Sometimes I wish people would realize that if two facts exist about one subject, that those facts don't have to be related.

Example: Geek #1 is horny. Geek #1 is a furry. Ergo, Geek #1 is horny because he is a furry.

No, dumbass. Geek #1 is horny because he's fucking horny. Furry has nothing to do with his state of arousal, it's just his outlet, so to speak.

Honestly, why do I keep running into people who believe furry is just about sex?

But Deyna, furries have lots of random sex at conventions and with friends and other furries!
Yes, furries like sex. Doesn't everyone? Lots of people are into casual sex. Does that mean that these people are furries? Of course not!

But Deyna, furries have their own type of porn and make and sell it at their conventions!
Yes, the furry fandom has a lot of porn and sells said porn at conventions. Well some of us are aroused by anthro porn, which is not readily available in the mainstream market. Ergo, we must create our own. People sell it because people will buy it. That's just simple economics.

Seriously, why is it so hard for people in our own community to get a grasp on the fact that there are spiritual and social reasons beyond just rampant corn-holin' and dick-suckin'? And not all artists draw porn. Some of the best pieces I've seen in the furry convention galleries were beautiful watercolor paintings of non-anthro animals as well as anthro animals, without a throbbing cock hanging out.

Some of the artists in our community are talented in ways other than drawing, such as writing and music. Listen to some of the actual musicians in the furry fandom, the ones with real instruments, not just a turntable and a computer that altars sounds to make a 2 minute 80's song into a 10 minute trance track (no offense DJ's, it's just my personal opinion.)

I'd much rather go to a convention to talk with someone about common interests, knowing that we can understand each other's little quirks such as a need for human contact and affection in the form of hugs and scritches and sometimes cuddles. I've had amazing intelligent conversation about music, art, poker, science, politics, pop culture and so many other subjects without sex being the main focus.

And yes I know that I have stated in the past that sexuality is part of our community, and it is. I firmly believe that, but that doesn't mean it is the main focus! The people, they are the main focus. Our own social network of misfits, outcasts and misunderstood weirdos who might just be a little too horny sometimes for their own good. ^^

Thank you, that is all.

I open the floor for the rebuttal because I know it's coming.

Before I tell you, let me point out a few facts:

As I normally do (and most guys do) I left my jeans that I had worn on the floor last night when I got undressed for bed.

My late grandfather left me a collection of coins including a Morgan silver dollar from 1896. I use that coin as a card protector when I play poker to remind me of what my grandfather sacrificed to provide for his family.

About a month ago, I lost that silver dollar and I was heart broken.

This morning when I wok up I looked up to see something circular and shiny on top of the jeans I shed last night. Reaching for my glasses, I realized it was grandpa's silver dollar! I assumed my roommate found it and tossed it in.
So while I was at work I sent him a text and thanked him for finding it. He told me he didn't know what I was talking about. He had never seen this coin before, and certainly hadn't found it.

I don't know how it got there. I believed it to be lost, my roommate had never seen it before, and the cat sure as hell didn't pick it up and neatly place it on my jeans.

Grandpa... did you... O.o?

[04:32] MarflesMalamute: maybe you can roll cubans
[04:33] MarflesMalamute: are cubans still illegal in the US?
[04:33] Deyna_Otter: only if they come in on a boat
[04:33] Deyna_Otter: if they come by plane, they have to go through customs
[04:33] Deyna_Otter: =3
[04:33] MarflesMalamute: since when?
[04:33] *** SudzJackBox has joined #BakedFurs.
[04:33] Deyna_Otter: oh, were we talking cigars?
[04:34] Deyna_Otter: i was talking Cubans
[04:34] SudzJackBox: don't speak about the cubans
[04:34] SudzJackBox: they hate me
[04:34] MarflesMalamute: :|
[04:34] *** SudzJackBox is now known as SudzPuppy.
[04:34] MarflesMalamute: yes
[04:34] SudzPuppy: ._.
[04:34] * MarflesMalamute is reminded of a seinfeld moment
[04:34] * Deyna_Otter sighs and guesses joke was not as witty as he thought
[04:34] caty: ugh im getting ash on my keyboard
[04:34] MarflesMalamute: :P
[04:35] * MarflesMalamute pats Deyna_Otter's head

Location: FullTiltPoker.com
Game: $1-$2 Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $75
Hours Logged: 10:50pm - 12:15am = 1.4 hours (3 different sessions)
Profit: $24.50
Avg per Hour: $17.5/hr

Bad night. Managed to pull ahead but I started at a 9-handed table and after 99 hands i was down to about $15. I left and looked through the lobby and saw a 1-on-1 table for my stakes and seeing how the guy "Martini1" had $40, I sat down with the same amount. He berated me a bit trying to needle me, but his approach was so bad. He would raise pre-flop, bet on the flop and then the read would come in on the turn: If he had nothing, he would check; if he had something he bet. Using that and knowledge of my hand and a little luck, I liberated $45 from him. I then went on to a 6-handed game to finish out my session of 200 hands of hold'em. After that I was up but it was a a really rough night.